Scripture referenced 6 passages
The passage this message was preached from, in full, with every other passage it reached for.
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Psalm 103:1 Read aloud to open worship: 'bless the Lord, oh my soul and all that is within me bless his holy name'
1 Praise Yahweh, my soul! All that is within me, praise his holy name!
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Keep this verse
Psalm 103:2
Read aloud: 'let all that I am praise the Lord, may I never forget the good things he does for me'
2 Praise Yahweh, my soul, and don’t forget all his benefits;
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Psalm 103:3
Read aloud: 'he forgives all my sins and he heals all my diseases'
3 who forgives all your sins; who heals all your diseases;
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Psalm 103:4-5
Read aloud: 'he redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies, he fills my life with good things'
4 who redeems your life from destruction; who crowns you with loving kindness and tender mercies;
5 who satisfies your desire with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
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Psalm 103:22
Read aloud as closing doxology of the psalm: 'praise the Lord, everything he has created, let all that I am praise the Lord'
22 Praise Yahweh, all you works of his, in all places of his dominion. Praise Yahweh, my soul!
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Galatians 5:1
Quoted near the close: 'it is for freedom that Christ died and he set us free, therefore do not return to the yoke of slavery'
1 Stand firm therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and don’t be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.
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Recap
The message in order, in a few minutes of reading.
This service centered on Psalm 103 and the Holy Spirit's work in moving people from head knowledge of God's truth to actually walking in freedom. Pastor Don introduced Jan Hicks, a lay counselor and close friend of the church, to give her testimony as a living example of that healing. The morning was as much demonstration as it was teaching.
What was said
Pastor Don opened from Psalm 103, pressing on the difference between knowing truth and walking in it. He pointed out that the world is not looking for another self-help program. What people want to see is whether Jesus actually works in a life, not just whether someone can quote the Bible or sing a good song. When the word of God is lived out, it becomes believable.
He drew attention to the language of the psalm itself, particularly that God forgives all sin, heals all diseases, and redeems from the pit. He noted how often people come for counseling saying God cannot forgive a certain sin, usually because they cannot forgive it themselves. The word "all" in that psalm is meant to be liberating, and it leaves no category of sin, shame, or disease outside God's reach.
Pastor Don also challenged the word "coping." He said coping is not a biblical word. It is a safe word we use for things we have not yet received spiritual freedom from. The biblical word is freedom, and God never intended His people merely to cope. He intends them to be free.
Jan Hicks then shared her testimony. She described being molested starting at age five, a first marriage marked by daily verbal abuse, and then a twelve-year addiction to cocaine and other drugs that began when she stuck out her arm to prove she would not get hooked. She described overdoses, physical abuse, alcoholism, years of shame and self-contempt, and a near-total collapse of her life.
She told how she came to faith on August 4, following a man she was trying to win back simply to dump him. She drove past a church three times that day, kept being drawn back, and finally walked into a pastor's office that night. She told God she did not know what He could do with someone like her, but she would try to live for Him. That night, she said, she was instantly and completely delivered from drug addiction and alcoholism. Two weeks later, after a sermon on stumbling blocks, she was delivered from a three-and-a-half-pack-a-day cigarette habit as well.
She was honest, though, that instant deliverance did not mean instant wholeness. For years afterward she still carried shame, unforgiveness, bitterness, and the weight of things done to her and by her. She had religion, she said, but not yet relationship, and it was the slow work of that love relationship with the Father that brought her into actual freedom. That ongoing journey is what brought her to Jackson to spend the week in sessions with people ready to move from coping to healing.
Doing a Bible study?
Here is a guide we have prepared for you: the passages in order, questions for the group, and room to write.
- Pastor Don talked about the difference between having knowledge in your head and actually walking in the Spirit so that others can see a change in you. Where do you find that gap hardest to close in your own life?
- Psalm 103 says God forgives all our sins, not some of them. Jan said she heard people in counseling say 'the Lord can't forgive this sin, because I can't forgive it.' Have you ever struggled to accept that the forgiveness is complete? What made it hard to believe?
and 3 more questions in the guide
Read the full transcript 9,392 words
0:14
Alright.
0:24
Why don't
0:24
you stand up? Let's get our groove on here. You ready to praise our God? Yes. Good morning.
4:18
Let's give our God praise, shall we? Speaking of prayer, let's pray together. God, we love you. We praise you today. We come before you and we thank you that you are our friend, our Lord, our savior.
4:38
All praise and glory be to you today. We love you. Lord be glorified in this time of worship. And may it just spur us on to live a daily life of praise to you. Thank you in the name of Christ.
4:53
Amen. Guys, don't you say good morning to somebody? Turn around, shake your hand, say good morning.
5:20
Bless the Lord.
5:31
I changed my mind. Good job, good job being friendly. I wanna read something before we sing this next song. I'd like to read to you from Psalm 103, just to spur us on in this time of praise. Psalm 103 verse one, it says, bless the Lord, oh my soul and all that is within me bless his holy name.
5:53
Verse two, let all that I am praise the Lord. May I never forget the good things he does for me. You know, we're very blessed. Don't forget, no matter what you're going through, we are so blessed. Verse three, he forgives all my sins and he heals all my diseases.
6:16
He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagles. The Lord gives righteousness and justice to all who are treated unfairly. And then let me skip to verse 22 and then it says, praise the Lord, everything he has created, everything in all his kingdom.
6:43
Let all that I am praise the Lord. Amen. Let's do it then. Don't pretend to do it. Let's do it.
6:50
Let's praise our God today.
7:26
We'll come before you, Lord. We'll come before you as we are. We admit we're broken and sinful. We turned our backs on you.
7:49
We come before you,
7:51
Lord, believing in your son. He's the only one who could ever make us whole. So we sing this song to you. And we lift our hands to you.
9:23
We come before you, Lord.
9:26
We come before you as we are. We admit we're broken and sinful. We turned our backs on you.
9:46
And I would come
9:47
before you, Lord, believing in your son. My soul, and all that's within me. Bless his holy name. Bless the Lord, oh my soul and all that's within me. Bless his holy name.
11:57
His name. Bless his holy name.
12:40
Praise offering. Woah. Seth, man, you you can hit that thing today. Let me just remind you of the old bill run because that's an opportunity for people to give to you give to the old bill run fund and you give it through the church. And so that what they do is you give it to them and you put First Baptist Church on it, and they match that gift.
13:17
And we use those funds for benevolent all year long. So it's a tremendous way to double your money. And for example, last year, $4,000 or $2,000 was given from the church. And so we got $4,000 in our old bill fund because our church gave $2,000 through old bill to First Baptist. Great way.
13:34
And we use it to help all the needs that come our way, and there are many. Every day, so many folk come our way and and need help. And we wanna be able to bless them and help them. And it's a great way to do that. And so be mindful of that as you think about charities.
13:46
Give to the O'Bill Fund and just put down for First Baptist Church and they match whatever you give. So, this is an opportunity for your dollar to go twice and and it really stretches and helps the benevolent ministry here of our church where people come our way. You see tomorrow night will be a picnic at Mike Yockel. Next Sunday, next Sunday will be a celebration picnic and send off for Scott and Pam as they move forward in the call of God in their life to Lafayette, Colorado and as we go with them, great opportunity for us to go with them to in prayer and backing and also in substance and so we want to be giving them a great love offering that will send them off and encourage them but also throughout the year, every Wednesday, they're going to have a little card and we'll be praying for them as part of our ministry team that, not only across the seas, but in our own state and in other states near to us. And so just like Barbie, we pray for her.
14:35
We also pray we'll be praying for Pam and Scott as they're in Lafayette. So we wanna take this love offering, but many of you have already been given checks, we'll add them to them. And if you wanna do that even today, just write on that little check for Pam and Scott, and that'll go in it, and we'll pin it to them hopefully then next Sunday at the picnic. And so we're looking forward to that time, and so we invite you to be a part of that with us. It'll be an exciting time, a great time immediately after the second service.
14:58
We'll all go over there. And you can see in the bulletin that we're supplying the drinks and the and the hot dog hamburgers. You just need to bring some extra dessert, lots of chocolate chip cookies for me, of course, And anything else chocolate because chocolate is godly. And so you can bring that. And and we'll just have a great time next Sunday altogether.
15:14
So those are the the big announcements that they have before you. So I'll ask our ushers to come forward and await on you this morning for your tithes and offerings. Father, will you take these offerings now? Would you bless them? Would you multiply them?
15:43
Would you use them for your glory? And we thank you, Lord, for how you'll do that in the days to come. Lord, we continue to pray for the many needs of our church. We thank you, Lord, for answered prayer that Roseanne is back from Kenya. And what a great opportunity for us to be able to be blessed by her and David as they share in the coming weeks.
16:00
We thank you, Lord, for answered prayer in so many people's lives. We pray for Melissa this morning as she continues to get better from bronchitis and the spider bite and lord we just ask that you continue to bless her and and strengthen her and use her in these days. For Linda Lamb, she's home but we pray lord that you'll continue to heal this infection And, we thank you, Lord, for that. For David, for continued, recovery from his soldiers from his, shoulder surgery, we thank you for that. Lord, today, we thank you for what you're gonna do in our hearts and our minds as we worship you in spirit and truth.
16:31
Lord, we've come to be free and to free to worship you and free to be able to allow you to, by your Holy Spirit, to reveal truth to our hearts through the word, through testimony, through music. May all this day be for your glory in Jesus name. Amen.
20:13
My heart and my soul,
22:05
What powerful music this morning. What I really love about what God does is he orchestrates things even before we even think about them. We didn't tell Scott the songs to pick. The Lord, the Holy Spirit reveals those songs to him. And the very song that Scott picked this morning and and bless the Lord.
22:24
I love that. That's one of my favorite that he has written. But the very song that he wrote really pierces and really is the truth of message this morning. I want you to go to Psalm one zero three. Again, he didn't know we were gonna use that passage this morning.
22:35
And And again, that always affirms to me what the Lord is doing. When when the pieces come together and you watch them flow as only the spirit can do that, you just sit back there and you say, yay and amen. Psalm one zero three. We've been talking about for the whole month of July. The ministry of the Holy Spirit in a person's life.
22:56
And one of the things the Holy Spirit does is he reveals truth. And when he reveals truth, he's the one also who teaches us to walk in that truth. When that's what the expression means to walk in the spirit. The Holy Spirit teaches you and reveals truth and then he enables you with the knowledge that he has just given to you to walk in that truth. So often, we eat we get the knowledge in our head and we find it difficult to move that knowledge to our heart where we can actually walk in the spirit.
23:23
We can allow the Holy Spirit to actually do something extraordinary in our life that that changes our focus, changes our action, changes our words in such dynamic ways that that everywhere we go, people can say, ah, you've been with Jesus. Because they see the difference. See, the world outside really wants to know that there is something different in your life and into my life. They wanna know that it really works. They would they'll want another self help thing.
23:43
They don't want another 10 step thing to do. They wanna say, alright. This Jesus you talk about, does he really work? This Jesus you talk about, does he really meet your needs? You sing a good song.
23:57
You speak a good message. But now can you live a good life? Well, how does that happen? How do we move from what happens in our head when the Lord reveals truth to us and then walk in the spirit so that not only does it change us, but everyone around us because they see that change. When people can see a dynamic change in us, then they begin to say, okay, I can actually now listen more to what you're saying because I'm seeing demonstrated.
24:25
When the word of God is lived out, then the word of God becomes real. It's, you know what? That that makes sense. It doesn't make sense if we can't live it out. It doesn't make sense if we just read it.
24:36
It doesn't make sense if we just says, the Bible says. We have to say the Bible says, and then this is this is a demonstration of what the Bible has said because now we live it. In Psalm one zero three, David is praying, and and he's crying out in this great Psalm. And he's saying, bless the Lord. And then he's using this phrase, all that's within me, everything inside of me, from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet, I'm gonna bless his holy name.
24:59
And why? Because he he forgets none of his benefits. All the things he has promised for me, he will do and he will give and it's real and it's powerful, and it's there. He pardons all my iniquities. He forgives all of my sins.
25:12
There's something about that that expression, that that verse that really is liberating, isn't it? What would it what would be we feel like if it said he forgives some of our sins? If we heard that phrase, wait a minute, which ones is he going to forgive? Well, let's see. There's a whole list here.
25:27
He won't forgive that one, that's too bad. And he won't forgive that one because that's too rotten. And he won't forgive that one because that's the worst of the worst. So that means he's only gonna forgive the cool sins, the easy sins. But he says, I forgive all of your sins.
25:39
There's something very liberating and something very invigorating in knowing that he forgives all of them. Because we so often live like the Lord won't forgive our sin. We often live like and I've heard it often as people come for counseling. The Lord can't forgive this sin. Well, how do you know?
25:55
Because I can't forgive it, so how can he? And then we move on to he heals all of our diseases, not some of them, but all of them. He redeems our life from the pit. Do you get that that that word picture there, the pit? And the pit there is this this bottleness hole, this hole that's inside of our soul, and it's so deep and it's so profound and it's so dark and it's so painful and it's so lousy and no one wants to go there.
26:19
But some of us live there. And the Bible says, he picks us up. He redeems redeems us. He pulls us out from the pit. Sometimes the best way to preach a sermon is to give you a life example of a sermon.
26:40
And a number of months ago when our women went through rewriting your emotional script, the Lord put it on my heart and my wife's heart to invite, a very dear friend of ours and one who has been on our staff, in Alabama, as a lay counselor, for many years. Years. She's been a part of our marriage encounter team, which impacts thousands of couples over the past ten years. And her and her husband have been a blessing to many, many people. And when we finished that course, when the ladies finished it, and I read the book and and I I watched the dynamic that took place in so many people's lives.
27:14
The first thing that came into my heart, we need to be able to offer an opportunity for people to actually walk through that healing. Where they can go from the knowledge that they've received to actually now seeing the Lord work by his spirit in providing that healing for them. And so that's why we invited Jan to come. Do we have any southerners here this morning? One, two, bless your heart.
27:38
Yeah. You're a Southern. Yeah. Hey. Good to see you.
27:40
Anybody else from Alabama? You're from Alabama. Well, you're well, Jazz from Alabama. So she she will need an interpreter this morning. Because, I mean, she's really deep south.
27:50
You know what I'm saying? She fixes to go here and she carries that person there. So, there maybe some words that you hear that you think aren't from Greek or Hebrew. They're not. They're from Southern.
28:01
That's alright. Kinda go over that and you'll be fine but I I I wanted to to invite Jan to come to be able to share a testimony and and you can see and I'm not going to take her time to go over this. You can read that yourself. But the reason why we invited to come is because the Lord has given her a special anointing in this area and it comes from her own deep pain. I'm a firm believer that when we walk through the pain and the Lord takes us through, there's a reason for the pain that we have.
28:26
And then when we're able to take that pain that the Lord walked us through and healed us from, we then can be empowered by Holy Spirit to use that opportunity to bless others who are walking through that same journey. And so, we invited Jan to come to be able to share a testimony, to be able to share the things that the God has laid on her heart and not only are we going to have her do that this morning in both services but on Wednesday evening from six until nine, we'll be here we'll probably be in the fellowship hall. We're going set up about 100 chairs and we're going to have our meeting in there because it's easier for worship and everything and then she'll be sharing and we'll be working through with all of you together a a teaching on wounds and and where that goes and and as the Holy Spirit leads in that way. Should be doing that Wednesday night and Thursday morning. Thursday morning will be from 09:00 to 11:30.
29:14
We'll have worship at both of those sessions. Amy Litzelman will be leading worship on Wednesday evening and on Thursday morning and so it's going to be a worship based teaching and an opportunity to walk through the journey. Then, we've scheduled her in the five days that she's with us almost every hour. Actually, we have 10 slots and we give two hours per slot where you can come in and as the Lord would lead you and if there are issues in your life or you know someone who has gone through a just a dark time now and really wants to experience freedom. Remember, I've been teach teaching you over the past five weeks.
29:49
Coping is not a biblical word. Coping is a word that we use to help us walk through things that we haven't yet got spiritual freedom from. It's a it's a safe word that we use. It's not a bad word. Nothing wrong with the word coping but it's not a biblical word.
30:02
The biblical word is freedom and the Lord never intended us to be to cope through anything. He expects us to be free and he provides freedom for us in his word. It's there. We just have to receive it and walk in it and so, it's important for us to do. So, we're going to be doing that over the course of the next five days.
30:19
There are only three slots left. I'm happy to say, but also sad to say because there's more people than slots. But if we have those three that are open. So if you're interested in in coming to our house or at my office for one of those sessions, just to speak to me after the service and or actually speak to Diane. Speak to Diane after the service and she'll put you on the in one of those three slots and we'll fill it up.
30:41
So, I want us this morning to to pray and then I'm going to invite Jan to come and to share a testimony and then we'll close together. Lord God, we thank you for the divine word of Psalm one zero three. We bless your name. All that's within us, we bless your holy name because lord, you do provide for us all of your benefits, and you do forgive all of our sins, and you do heal all of our diseases, emotional diseases, physical diseases, all those things that come our way. You do provide healing for them.
31:14
And lord, we thank you that your word is powerful and your Holy Spirit teaches us truth. So, would you do that this morning as Jen shares her journey and how you minister to her and and how you healed her and how you have worked in her life over these past years and we'll give you praise to the honor and glory of Jesus. Amen. Jan, come on up. Would you welcome Jan Hicks this morning?
32:03
Push. Push not mash. Y'all use that word. Okay. I don't have an accent.
32:11
I was told this by a doctor in Alabama recently. She said, where are you from? And I said, from Alabama. I was raised in Pensacola, I've lived here most of my life. She said, well, don't have an accent.
32:20
I'm thinking, oh. Alright. That'll work, won't it? So, I am so excited to be here. What a gorgeous group.
32:30
What a beautiful place. Does anybody have a place for rent? Because I'll just come and move. Does everybody do that? They come here and go, well, I live near Gulf Shores, Alabama on the beaches and was raised on the beach, so people come there and go, the same thing.
32:46
So it's just kind of a totally different look, but that same, and you know who that is? Him. He makes such beautiful places. Such beautiful things and so I just love him and I'll just tell you quickly about myself. I am married to the most wonderful man.
33:02
He happened to has the same name as your pastor. His name is Don, and he is amazing. And I married him after I got saved in August, he got saved in September, we met in October, we married in January, twenty years ago. Little quick, but I was over 40, so you know, you just gotta get right in there. So, and together we blend this family of four beautiful children, I have two boys, he had two girls, we blended them together and we have 11 grandchildren and tons of spiritual kids and grandchildren, and our life has just been amazing from where we were to where we are.
33:43
So I'm going to take you back to where I was, not for you to go, Oh my gosh, look what she went through, look what happened in her life. Uh-uh. I want you to see what God pulled me out of and what He has brought me to, this place in my life that I can share my testimony and say that no matter what you're going through, no matter what you have done or where you have been, I probably have been there. I might have led the pack. Because I'm not going to have time to give you my ten week testimony.
34:12
I'm just going to give you a few minutes of it so you can read between the lines. As a little girl at five years old, my parents took me to my aunt and uncle's because they worked. My aunt and uncle offered to take care of my brother and myself, so he was just a wee little one as we went there. But my uncle started molesting me. And I don't know why, but in that time, for some reason, I was afraid to tell.
34:37
I cannot tell you that he threatened me, that if I did, you're going to get blah, blah, blah. But I just never told my parents until I was 50. I did not tell my parents. But so I was taken there daily. And so that started at five years old.
34:51
Although I was raised at a good home, I had really good parents. They were real moral, honest, very hardworking parents. But we were not a Christian family. My brother and I were dropped off at the Sweet Baptist Church that's a good place to start, on Sunday morning. And we were taken there.
35:09
It gave mom and dad kind of a few hours without us. And so they dropped us off at church, but they didn't attend church with us. Over those years I can remember one time my daddy coming into that church that we attended and mother said she came a couple of times more but I don't remember that. But never give that negative sometimes we go, oh, these parents that drop their kids off at church and they don't come, boy, that's the ones you want to get out and say, thank you for bringing your kids and dropping them off. We are so enjoying them.
35:40
And instead of, you know, I just say that for some reason, just slipping that in there, that that's what they did to my parents. Although they never came, they kept taking us there because they felt comfortable taking us in that place. So, something was planted inside of me in that church environment. At 12 years old, I went up front and with my friends, we all decided to be a group thing, you know, group baptism and so we went up front and we we got saved and then we got bapt ized but I never had a relationship with Jesus but I had in my head since I did that no matter what I did unless I kill somebody that I would be in heaven. You know, I just I did not have a relationship.
36:21
I really did not know who God was, but I stayed in that environment through through my childhood and I'm very blessed to have had that poured into me. But as life went on, I was molested, then in my teen years by my father's best friend, I was molested on and then raped as an adult. So I understand if any of you have gone through those things, what it's like in many areas. There's many levels of that, but the bottom line is molestation is molestation, it's painful, it hurts, and it degrades, it chains, and it takes away from who you think you are and the enemy uses it against you. And so we have to learn to overcome what he says and know who we are through what Christ says about us and so I wasn't in that And so I was married, I got a divorce 30 years old, I'm a divorced woman, more shame, more pain.
37:09
At 30 years old I met this man and being told for ten years or so that no one will ever have you but me, you are nothing but you can fill in those blanks that I heard every day about myself. And for for daily hearing that thing, I had a very low opinion about myself, and I thought no man will ever have me. But that was my husband's way of trying to keep me with him to control me in that place and to stay in that place of abuse and I decided one day I wanted out of there. So at 30 I met a man, ta da, at a bar, you know, So I wasn't even used to, we were not drinkers, partiers, in a house, but I went with a neighbor, we went to the bar, I met this man, I'm thinking, this would be my last chance, I'm going to have to keep this man. Six months in my relationship with him, I find find out he is on drugs, I knew he smoked a little pot and took a little speed, not drugs, but what I discovered is he was putting a needle in his arm filled with cocaine and I was a nurse and I thought, I can help him.
38:12
So I said I can help you with this because we were six months in the relationship. This was a man of my dreams, the only other man I'll ever get and he was just a hunker hunker, you know I thought and so oh so I just got to stay with this guy and I'll just help you. I'm going to pull you out of there. I'm going to be there for you and you're going to walk through it and he said to me, he said, how can you help me with something you don't know anything about? I said, I know I can.
38:37
You see the enemy will slip in a little truth about something to make you fall into the trap and I did not know about doing drugs. That had not been a part of my lifestyle at all. But I said to him as that pride rose up inside of me, I said to him, I said, I know this, I wouldn't be stupid enough to get hooked on it if I ever did it. And he said, yes, you would. And I said, no, I would not, and I'll prove it.
39:04
And stuck my arm out. That day, he stuck a needle in my arm filled with cocaine. And for twelve years, I was hooked. I was hooked on heroin. Cocaine was my drug of choice.
39:16
But when it wasn't available, I did everything from hallucinogenics acid to LSD to you name it, I did it again, heroin, the whole gamut. I sent people to the doctor. I paid for them to go to get pills that I would take and then sell to have the money to buy cocaine and it became not enough. So I started stealing, stealing from my family business. I started cheating, lying, I didn't pay my bill, my house went into foreclosure.
39:42
I mean, that lifestyle was part of who I was. In the midst of all that, I became an alcoholic, My smoking increased to three and a half packs a day. I was in a turmoil of pain, but I didn't know that. I was surviving. The only way I knew how and I was looking for something to fill that void and that hole in my life and I didn't know what that was at that time.
40:09
So as I continued in that place, in the abuse, I when I I say I did whatever I needed to do for drugs you can figure out what that really means and I won't say what that is with children in the room but I went to the limit to get what I needed. Through the abuse of these situations, went through mental abuse, verbal abuse, neglect, and then into great physical abuse. I'm married, I remarried, I divorced. I divorced a person that was extremely physically abusive to me. I had been pushed, pulled, shot at, my head beating on hardwood floors.
40:49
I've been thrown. I've been slapped. Some of you have been too. And in that place of abuse, fear came for my life. Fear came for my children.
40:58
So I understand what fear feels like and how it feels to live in fear. One day, I decided that I would rather be dead than stay there. And so I decided I would take a chance and go ahead and get a divorce. And if I got killed in the bit, so be it because I could not live another day of fear of when he walked in that house, what is going to happen? Even on the days when my boys and I, we tried to be, okay, just don't say anything, don't speak, and some of you know exactly what I'm talking about.
41:32
If I don't say anything, he won't react and everything's gonna be okay. And that one word could throw some people, especially him, into a rage that I don't know where it came from, except for the pain that he was feeling. I know now of his own wounds and situations in life, but at that time, I didn't see all that. I just knew what was happening to me. And so that victim mentality, that pity pity that and it was real, but that's where I stayed, and I thought I'd never get out of it.
42:06
So I'll take a chance. Kill me. Let me die. Sent my boys off to live with my stay at my brother's for a short time because they were threatening to take them anyway because of my drug life. And then my husband at that time was part of that drug situation.
42:20
And then I lived for months in such fear that I carried a loaded gun with me. I it was in my purse where I worked. It stayed ready at all times. I slept with it with my finger on the trigger under my pillow. I slept with that gun.
42:38
By the grace of God, although I didn't give him any credit at that time, I didn't blow my own head off just waiting for a door to be busted open for him to come in, but I refused to leave my house. See, I still had that pride of, but you're not kicking me out of my house, by golly. That same pride that said, yeah, but I won't get hooked. That was inside of me thinking I can control what was gonna happen in life. That codependent personality became who I am or was.
43:06
I won't go into this story, but probably will one night, one of the teachings where I even myself tried to kill two people in my life. I had such unforgiveness and pain for the molestation that had happened to me and continued in my life, and then that very man had to work beside me at at my father's own business, and he would say things and touch me even in my twenties until that resentment and that hate and that anger and that retaliation, that revenge that built up inside of me, I wanted him dead and one day made a decision to take his life. And I will probably share that story one night. But for time, I'm going to just go on.
43:55
I
43:57
overdosed twice on cocaine. Cocaine. One time I was being left for dead when I came to. And I remember as I came to, even though I could hear what was going on and what people were saying, respond, I could not speak, nothing would come out of me, I had brown foam all over me where I had been in seizures and convulsions on the floor and I hear these two guys talking about what do we do with her, do we drop her off at the hospital, Do we call 911 and leave? For sure, we don't want to be with her because, you know, then they would get in because they were on drugs too.
44:32
I ended up marrying one of those wonderful men. So the shame of marriage and divorce, the shame of failure became part of who I am, who I was at that time, became part of my identity. So that rejection that came in my life, the fear of rejection, I could walk in a room and somebody could look at me, and right then, I'm thinking, what are they thinking? And I never thought they thought a positive thought. Never did I think that they thought, oh, look at that pretty dress she's got on.
45:05
No, it was always something negative. I always examined myself then to see what was wrong with me, why are they looking at me. I never could believe that somebody would look at me for a right reason or a good reason. I never knew that I could be loved and I remember on August 4, I gave my life to Jesus and I'll tell you quickly how that happened is that as I divorced again, I had, if y'all started counting yet, it's not that many but I had a lot of relationships, a lot of relationships, one after the other, after the other, after the other in my life. Very, very promiscuous lifestyle.
45:39
And one of the gentlemen I was going with at that time, we were engaged, living together, and he went out to his own high school reunion in Texas and by golly, got saved. His dad was a retired Baptist preacher. I tell you, these Baptists, they just work on you. And so his dad was a retired Baptist preacher and this man, his name was Richie, he turned his life to the Lord and he came home. But the night he came home, he opened the door and he came in and he said, I'm moving out and he said, because I can't live with a like you because I've given my life to the Lord.
46:11
Well, wasn't a real good witness for me. So, I thought, you know, I'm like, well, excuse me, mister holier than thou, you know, been there. And he did. He moved out, but it made me mad. I thought, who do you think you are to dump me?
46:26
How dare you? So then I went into a plan as women know how to do. I went into this plan, I thought I'm going to win this man back. And when I win him back, I'm going to dump him. So I became very conniving and I would do anything he wanted to do and I would just be I was just sweet.
46:45
I was wonderful. But behind his back, I'm still drinking, smoking. I'm doing drugs and such. So he one day asked me, said, will you go to church with me? I thought, yes, I would love to do that.
47:01
So we went to church on a Sunday morning. And when I went to church, church started at eleven. I don't know who changed and what year that was. But churches started at 11:00. You went into church at eleven.
47:12
So we went to this church and we walked in at eleven and I was amazed how many people were already there. In fact, the place was packed. It turned out to be homecoming for their first year in their new sanctuary, so the place was packed. I didn't know that. We walked in and there was only, there was a couple of seats on the back row so we just kind of made our way in and I noticed the people kind of moved over.
47:36
I didn't even think about it until later. I was so hungover from the night before. I probably smell like a brewery and cigarette company too at the same time. They kind of moved over and I thought fine, but I don't know what the message was about, but you know what I felt? I felt something happened inside of me.
47:54
And when that pastor made that altar call, my mind went back to that 12 year old little girl that walked to the front
47:59
of that little Baptist church and did the best she could to give her life
48:02
to God even though she was doing it because her friends were. So, her mama told her too but I didn't think she was right. Now, I know she was. But I thought, you know, if I go down there, then Richie's gonna get credit for it. And by golly, I'm winning him back to dump him.
48:24
So I can't go down front. So I left that church that day, and the pastor had said, there's dinner on the ground if you'll all want to stay. Well, I never understood that impression, but I what the visual of it didn't match what really happened. And so I and I thought, oh, well, I'm not gonna stay for a dinner on the ground. You know, I was kinda dressed up and pantyhose and all.
48:46
And so we left there and and went somewhere and ate and then went back to my house. I want you to know my house is 17 miles from that church. So it's a 36 mile round trip. We'd went once. I said, I wanna go back.
48:58
They were gonna have a singing at 02:00. I said, can we go back to that singing? But we were having dinner with the neighbors at 03:30. He said, sure. 02:00, we go back for the singing.
49:07
I'm crying. I'm crying. He'd say, what's wrong with you? I said, don't you talk to me. I'm fine.
49:12
Nothing's wrong with me. Something was happening. Something was drawing. Here I'm going back to that church. So another 36 mile trip.
49:18
We go to the neighbors, we eat. 06:00 they were having service. I said, I want to go back to that 06:00 service. He said, okay. So back up to the church at six, here's that drawing again.
49:28
Gosh, if I go down while he's with me, he's still going to get credit. I don't want him to have credit for nothing because I am so mad at him for the way he dumped me and what he called me. I'm not going. So I didn't go. The pastor said, afterwards, we have leftovers from the dinner on the ground.
49:43
We have desserts and coffee, and we're going to have it in the fellowship hall. I thought, least they're going to have it inside. And if y'all will all stay, and I thought, well, no, I don't know them. Richie said, do you want to stay and go over there? Said, no, I don't know them.
49:56
I'm not going to stay over there. So we left there, got seven miles from my house, and I said, don't take Mimi to my house. I need to talk. And he said, well, do you wanna go back to that church and talk to that pastor? I said, I don't know that pastor.
50:11
No. I don't wanna go back there except I probably use other words in that sentence because I was a pre Christian. So I said, you talk to me because see he had gone through seminary one time and right before he finished, his wife divorced him and they kicked him out. But I said, you can answer my questions. Before I knew it, what I mean, I don't know.
50:37
I'm like Elijah, Elisha, you know, whatever. Anyway, it's like translated, I think. Anyway, because all of a sudden, the car is facing the side of the fellowship hall, and I look at him. I go, what are you doing here? And he said, I don't know.
50:51
I mean, he just drove. God drove us straight back to that church. And so I cussed him out, and I got out of the car, and I went in to go and talk to this I'm just telling y'all how it is. Okay? I am so real.
51:05
You ask me a question. You better be ready for the answer. So I went inside this church, and I walked up to this pastor, and he's sitting at a table all by himself. Now that in itself became a miracle because I worked for that church then for eight years, and that man, I never saw him alone at a table. And he was sitting by himself, and his brother's name was Wilde, but I didn't know that either.
51:28
And I said, brother Wilde, my name is, and I need to talk to you. He went, you sure do. Let me get my wife and I'll meet you in my office. I said, alright. So, I start out the door as Richie's just coming in it and I'm falling and he said, what are you doing?
51:46
I said, we gotta go
51:47
to the pastor's office and I don't
51:49
know where it is. You know, and and so we found the office and went there and that night, that pastor said to me, he said, I told him a little bit about my life, not all of it. He didn't need to know that. I didn't tell him I tried to kill two people because I didn't kill them. So, you know, I didn't tell him that I was only in jail for a short time before I got bailed out.
52:09
I didn't tell him that. I'm not gonna tell y'all either. And so but I and even pastors going, you didn't tell me that one either. So he said, if you die tonight in the morning, where will you be? And I thought about that.
52:26
And I thought, that's easy. I said heaven? I mean, I walked down that aisle at twelve, and I got saved, and I got baptized, by golly. So I had to be going to heaven no matter what I did. I didn't kill anybody.
52:45
You know what I mean? And everybody liked me. So we don't have to worry about all the other stuff. I didn't kill anyone. That's when you go to hell.
52:53
See, I was so mixed up in my mind. I didn't know who I thought God was. So he read some scriptures to me that let me know down I was going. And so he asked me to say the prayer, and I said, I don't know how to say that prayer. And he said, you pray what comes in your heart.
53:09
And I don't remember everything I said, but
53:11
I remember saying, God, you know everything that I've done. And I don't know what you can do with me, probably nothing because of how bad I've been. The preferred places I stepped into. But I'm gonna do my best to live for you tonight. And will you help me with the drugs and the alcohol alcohol?
53:36
And help me become a better person? Or something like that? That very night, that drop of blood that was shed on Calvary for me came into my veins and pushed out all the drugs, all the alcohol.
54:01
I was instantly delivered. I never did drugs again. And I'm telling you, I'm putting a needle in my arm with anything that I got hooked on the needle, anything that would go in that rig, that syringe, went in me. I was instantly delivered, instantly delivered of the alcoholism. And I drank a minimum of a 12 pack a day, and that was if I had to work the next day.
54:30
We serve a mighty God that we limit so many times to what he has the ability to do. Two weeks later, I was gonna be baptized, and I was still smoking. And I remember going to work on Monday and Sunday night we always shot pool at the pool hall and got drunk. And so several of my coworkers said, Where were you last night? And I said, Well, I told one of I said, Well, got saved.
55:01
And she said, yeah, it looks like you did. Well, since I had been saved for almost twenty four hours in authority on the word of God, I said, there ain't nowhere in the Bible that says you can't smoke. That smoking will send you to hell. Nowhere. You know, I was telling her.
55:18
But you know what? That pastor had the gall the next service, that Wednesday night to preach a sermon on that the many things that we do can be a stumbling block to others. And God showed me even my smoking may discredit my walk as a Christian. So here I'm gonna go be baptized. So I went up there and I told that pastor, I said, I I got one more thing.
55:42
Well, there's a lot, but this is the one we wanna talk about now, is my cigarettes. And I don't wanna be baptized, and I don't wanna keep smoking. So he put his hands on me and well nobody will put their hand on me and prayed, period. And something happened inside of me. And that night I got instant delivered of a three and a half pack a day cigarette habit, and that was twenty years ago.
56:09
Amen? That's the God I serve. I went home and I couldn't stand the smell of myself. I borrowed some clothes from somebody to sleep in until I could wash everything in my house the next day. I was so radically changed from this moment to this that just like the way my family thought I had joined a cult.
56:30
They were afraid I was gonna lose the house. They had just gotten out of foreclosure. They thought every what little I had left was gonna be taken from me. They were glad of the changes, but they didn't understand it because, see, they were not Christians. So I was the first in my immediate family line.
56:48
And so they were leaving for a three week vacation with many friends on a little caravan RV trip. And I asked my son, I said, would you keep an eye on your mom? And you go to that church, and you make sure that she doesn't sign anything. And when we get back, we'll come over there. So my son, who was 20 at that time, 22, excuse me, he got he turned 22 the day after I got saved.
57:12
He started coming to church and by the time they got back he had joined the cult with us. Mom and dad were slower, they were older, it took four years, but they joined the cult. They accepted Christ as savior. Eight months later, my daddy moved in with Jesus. Five years later, my mother married a retired Baptist minister.
57:30
She'll be 80 in October, run circles around me in serving the Lord and working in our ministry. They both are. God is an amazing, an amazing God. But, you know, with telling you all that and how wonderful that sound, I still live with the shame, the guilt, the pain, the unforgiveness, the bitterness, the resentment, the retaliation, even the desire for murder in my heart because of things that were done not only to me, but things that I did in my life. And how I sinfully responded to the things people did to me, then I responded to get back at them.
58:10
And so I still live with that. I still didn't live in freedom. I still didn't have a relationship. I had great religion, though. Boy, was I one religious woman.
58:18
I prayed seven and a half hours a day. Want you to know I got it from two to 4AM. But I didn't have relationship. And that's what it's all about. It's about relationship.
58:29
And there's a love relationship relationship with with the the father father that that brings brings healing healing to to our our soul, soul, healing to our body because it allows that we have become a spirit to spirit relationship that allows our spirit to be stronger so our flesh can be crucified, so our hearts can be open to receive his love and walk in total healing. And that's why I'm here this week, is I wanna share with you what Christ did for me, not only on those what people call the big things, but that little bitty thing that was keeping me from walking in the fullness of him. Am I a finished product? No. You can call my husband.
59:09
He'll tell you I still got stuff. He lives with me. He knows. He'll tell you how much he loves me and how much he adores me. But we all still have stuff.
59:21
So if you have stuff this week and I'm here and we can work it out, I'd love to talk with you. If you have stuff this morning and wanna stay after and and we have a moment to pray, we can pray. But no matter how much stuff you have and no matter how much you go through and how many things you're you're delivered of, it's all to no avail if you don't know Jesus Christ versus savior. If you don't have a personal relationship with him. And so most of all, the most important thing I did that night is I dropped the pride and I get down on my knees and I said, Jesus, will you come in my heart?
1:00:05
I receive you and so I'm just going ask you to bow your heads right now because I know we have a second service so I'm not going do an altar call but I just ask you because I want to pray for you because you're so important. You're important to me and you're you're more important to to Jesus Christ and everybody in this room combined. He loves you that much. And so in that wonderful, sweet way that we sometimes say by the raising of your hand, I would like to see that so I can pray for you, not so I can announce it to Jackson Hole or Alabama. But if you've never received Christ as your savior, maybe you have backslid and you you know your relationship is not relationship and it's not right.
1:00:53
Will you just raise your hand and let me see it? I won't call you out. I won't come to you. I won't do any of those things. I'm asking the father to do that because he come he's the only one.
1:01:05
We come by the drawing of the father's heart. So right now, if you just raise your hand so I can pray for you. Maybe there's some of you here that's dealt with a lot of abuse. You have some heart pain. You have some resentment.
1:01:26
There's things in your life that you're not free of. There's bondage you can't break through financially. You can't break through personally. Maybe there's health issues you just can't seem to break through. Raise your hand just so just for God.
1:01:45
Just raise your hand to say, you know, I need I need a special touch from you, God. I just want you to do that for me. Amen. Every single one of us could have raised our hands on that because we're all working through something. Thank you for listening to me.
1:02:08
I pray I meet up with a lot of you this week as we as we close. I'm gonna step back and I'm just gonna stand up here. If anybody needs a a prayer, you can come up. We have a few minutes, I think, before second service. Alright.
1:02:26
God bless you.
1:02:31
Let's stand up. Shall we praise the Lord for what he's done in Jan's life and in our life too? Praise the Lord. Thanks for being so honest and sharing with us. Let's praise him this last song and then there'll be some time to come up pray with Jan or with pastor Don or I'm here too.
1:03:00
Let's let's sing.
1:05:43
Lord
1:05:50
Almighty. None can stand against your name. Lord, your name has the power to save power to save you. Oh, the Lord Almighty, there is nothing like your love. Lord, your love, you
1:06:37
all. Hallelujah. You have
1:06:53
chapter five one says, it's for freedom given that Christ died, and he set us free. Therefore, don't return to the yoke of slavery. And that's what this is all about. To be free, walk in freedom, enjoy their freedom, and not return to the yoke of slavery. That's not what God has for you.
1:07:10
He has you to be free and to walk in that freedom. Gonna ask Jan and Marlon if you'll go back to the table back there. And, somebody may wanna sign up for those three sessions that are left, as well as talk with them. We want them to do that, and then we're gonna close this morning. Father God, thank you.
1:07:27
Thank you for your word. How powerful it is. Thank you for the demonstration of your healing power in Jan's life. And, lord, there's so much more that she could have shared, but we got the message. We understand where she was, and we praise God because of you where she is.
1:07:42
We thank you for the walk of freedom and and the beautiful opportunity you give to her to travel around the world to be able to share her testimony and to be able to see people walk in freedom. And, Lord, we desire that in our own lives. So help us to get rid of the pride and the junk and the stuff and the masks and the things that just keep us from walking in truth. Lord, you reveal truth to us, but we we kinda close it in. And we're fearful.
1:08:06
We allow the voice of the enemy to come in and drown out the voice of truth. And the voice of truth is your spirit speaking to us. So, Lord, throughout this day to day, continue to to nurture what you've started in our hearts. Continue to to feed our spirits and allow us, Lord, to to receive from you that which you desire in our life, to walk in freedom. And we'll thank you in Jesus' powerful holy name.
1:08:27
Amen. God bless you. Have a wonderful, wonderful day.
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