Scripture referenced 10 passages
The passage this message was preached from, in full, with every other passage it reached for.
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Ephesians 3 (partial) Prayed that listeners would understand the incredible greatness of God's power for those who believe in Him
1 For this cause I, Paul, am the prisoner of Christ Jesus on behalf of you Gentiles,
2 if it is so that you have heard of the administration of that grace of God which was given me toward you;
3 how that by revelation the mystery was made known to me, as I wrote before in few words,
4 by which, when you read, you can perceive my understanding in the mystery of Christ;
5 which in other generations was not made known to the children of men, as it has now been revealed to his holy apostles and prophets in the Spirit;
6 that the Gentiles are fellow heirs, and fellow members of the body, and fellow partakers of his promise in Christ Jesus through the Good News,
7 of which I was made a servant, according to the gift of that grace of God which was given me according to the working of his power.
8 To me, the very least of all saints, was this grace given, to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ,
9 and to make all men see what is the administration of the mystery which for ages has been hidden in God, who created all things through Jesus Christ;
10 to the intent that now through the assembly the manifold wisdom of God might be made known to the principalities and the powers in the heavenly places,
11 according to the eternal purpose which he purposed in Christ Jesus our Lord;
12 in whom we have boldness and access in confidence through our faith in him.
13 Therefore I ask that you may not lose heart at my troubles for you, which are your glory.
14 For this cause, I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named,
16 that he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, that you may be strengthened with power through his Spirit in the inward man;
17 that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; to the end that you, being rooted and grounded in love,
18 may be strengthened to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and height and depth,
19 and to know Christ’s love which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,
21 to him be the glory in the assembly and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.
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Keep this verse
Titus 2:1-15
Main sermon text covering household codes for older men, older women, younger women, younger men, and bond servants
1 But say the things which fit sound doctrine,
2 that older men should be temperate, sensible, sober minded, sound in faith, in love, and in perseverance:
3 and that older women likewise be reverent in behavior, not slanderers nor enslaved to much wine, teachers of that which is good;
4 that they may train the young wives to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 to be sober minded, chaste, workers at home, kind, being in subjection to their own husbands, that God’s word may not be blasphemed.
6 Likewise, exhort the younger men to be sober minded;
7 in all things showing yourself an example of good works; in your teaching showing integrity, seriousness, incorruptibility,
8 and soundness of speech that can’t be condemned; that he who opposes you may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say about us.
9 Exhort servants to be in subjection to their own masters, and to be well-pleasing in all things; not contradicting;
10 not stealing, but showing all good fidelity; that they may adorn the doctrine of God, our Savior, in all things.
11 For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men,
12 instructing us to the intent that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we would live soberly, righteously, and godly in this present age;
13 looking for the blessed hope and appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ;
14 who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify for himself a people for his own possession, zealous for good works.
15 Say these things and exhort and reprove with all authority. Let no man despise you.
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Ephesians 5:22-6:9
Listed as a comparable household code passage
22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the assembly, being himself the savior of the body.
24 But as the assembly is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it;
26 that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word,
27 that he might present the assembly to himself gloriously, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without defect.
28 Even so husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.
29 For no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord also does the assembly;
30 because we are members of his body, of his flesh and bones.
31 “For this cause a man will leave his father and mother, and will be joined to his wife. The two will become one flesh.”
32 This mystery is great, but I speak concerning Christ and of the assembly.
33 Nevertheless each of you must also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with a promise:
3 “that it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth.”
4 You fathers, don’t provoke your children to wrath, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
5 Servants, be obedient to those who according to the flesh are your masters, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as to Christ;
6 not in the way of service only when eyes are on you, as men pleasers; but as servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart;
7 with good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men;
8 knowing that whatever good thing each one does, he will receive the same again from the Lord, whether he is bound or free.
9 You masters, do the same things to them, and give up threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no partiality with him.
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Colossians 3:18-4:1
Listed as a comparable household code passage
18 Wives, be in subjection to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives, and don’t be bitter against them.
20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this pleases the Lord.
21 Fathers, don’t provoke your children, so that they won’t be discouraged.
22 Servants, obey in all things those who are your masters according to the flesh, not just when they are looking, as men pleasers, but in singleness of heart, fearing God.
23 And whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord, and not for men,
24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.
25 But he who does wrong will receive again for the wrong that he has done, and there is no partiality.
1 Masters, give to your servants that which is just and equal, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.
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1 Peter 2
Listed as a comparable household code passage
1 Putting away therefore all wickedness, all deceit, hypocrisies, envies, and all evil speaking,
2 as newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the Word, that with it you may grow,
3 if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is gracious:
4 coming to him, a living stone, rejected indeed by men, but chosen by God, precious.
5 You also, as living stones, are built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices, acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.
6 Because it is contained in Scripture, “Behold, I lay in Zion a chief cornerstone, chosen, and precious: He who believes in him will not be disappointed.”
7 For you who believe therefore is the honor, but for those who are disobedient, “The stone which the builders rejected, has become the chief cornerstone,”
8 and, “a stone of stumbling, and a rock of offense.” For they stumble at the word, being disobedient, to which also they were appointed.
9 But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, that you may proclaim the excellence of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light:
10 who in time past were no people, but now are God’s people, who had not obtained mercy, but now have obtained mercy.
11 Beloved, I beg you as foreigners and pilgrims, to abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;
12 having good behavior among the nations, so in that of which they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works, which they see, glorify God in the day of visitation.
13 Therefore subject yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake: whether to the king, as supreme;
14 or to governors, as sent by him for vengeance on evildoers and for praise to those who do well.
15 For this is the will of God, that by well-doing you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish men:
16 as free, and not using your freedom for a cloak of wickedness, but as bondservants of God.
17 Honor all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king.
18 Servants, be in subjection to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the wicked.
19 For it is commendable if someone endures pain, suffering unjustly, because of conscience toward God.
20 For what glory is it if, when you sin, you patiently endure beating? But if, when you do well, you patiently endure suffering, this is commendable with God.
21 For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving you an example, that you should follow his steps,
22 who did not sin, “neither was deceit found in his mouth.”
23 Who, when he was cursed, didn’t curse back. When he suffered, didn’t threaten, but committed himself to him who judges righteously.
24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live to righteousness; by whose stripes you were healed.
25 For you were going astray like sheep; but now have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
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Proverbs 31
Referenced to support the idea that the affairs of the household are the domain of younger women
1 The words of king Lemuel; the revelation which his mother taught him.
2 “Oh, my son! Oh, son of my womb! Oh, son of my vows!
3 Don’t give your strength to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings.
4 It is not for kings, Lemuel; it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes to say, ‘Where is strong drink?’
5 lest they drink, and forget the law, and pervert the justice due to anyone who is afflicted.
6 Give strong drink to him who is ready to perish; and wine to the bitter in soul:
7 Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.
8 Open your mouth for the mute, in the cause of all who are left desolate.
9 Open your mouth, judge righteously, and serve justice to the poor and needy.”
10 Who can find a worthy woman? For her price is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her. He shall have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax, and works eagerly with her hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships. She brings her bread from afar.
15 She rises also while it is yet night, gives food to her household, and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field, and buys it. With the fruit of her hands, she plants a vineyard.
17 She arms her waist with strength, and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp doesn’t go out by night.
19 She lays her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her arms to the poor; yes, she extends her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household; for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes for herself carpets of tapestry. Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing. She laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom. Faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household, and doesn’t eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed. Her husband also praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things, but you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman who fears Yahweh, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands! Let her works praise her in the gates!
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Philippians 4 (partial)
Quoted as 'against such things there is no law' and 'whatsoever things are noble, just, pure' in relation to living uprightly
1 Therefore, my brothers, beloved and longed for, my joy and crown, so stand firm in the Lord, my beloved.
2 I exhort Euodia, and I exhort Syntyche, to think the same way in the Lord.
3 Yes, I beg you also, true partner, help these women, for they labored with me in the Good News, with Clement also, and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.
4 Rejoice in the Lord always! Again I will say, “Rejoice!”
5 Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand.
6 In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.
7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things are honorable, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report; if there is any virtue, and if there is any praise, think about these things.
9 The things which you learned, received, heard, and saw in me: do these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
10 But I rejoice in the Lord greatly, that now at length you have revived your thought for me; in which you did indeed take thought, but you lacked opportunity.
11 Not that I speak because of lack, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content in it.
12 I know how to be humbled, and I know also how to abound. In everything and in all things I have learned the secret both to be filled and to be hungry, both to abound and to be in need.
13 I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.
14 However you did well that you shared in my affliction.
15 You yourselves also know, you Philippians, that in the beginning of the Good News, when I departed from Macedonia, no assembly shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving but you only.
16 For even in Thessalonica you sent once and again to my need.
17 Not that I seek for the gift, but I seek for the fruit that increases to your account.
18 But I have all things, and abound. I am filled, having received from Epaphroditus the things that came from you, a sweet-smelling fragrance, an acceptable and well-pleasing sacrifice to God.
19 My God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
20 Now to our God and Father be the glory forever and ever! Amen.
21 Greet every saint in Christ Jesus. The brothers who are with me greet you.
22 All the saints greet you, especially those who are of Caesar’s household.
23 The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.
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Psalm 51:12
Closing benediction: 'Restore to me, Lord, the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me'
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Uphold me with a willing spirit.
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Colossians 4:5-6
Closing benediction: 'Walk in wisdom towards outsiders, making the best use of the time and let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt'
5 Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time.
6 Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.
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Recap
The message in order, in a few minutes of reading.
Pastor Ray worked through Titus 2:1-15, a passage that lays out what Paul called the "household code," covering older men, older women, younger women, younger men, and bond servants. He spent most of the morning on the first four groups and held the bond servants section for next week, since he felt it needed more time. The thread running through every group on the list was self-control, and he closed by tying it all back to the grace of God as the only power able to produce that kind of life.
What was said
Pastor Ray opened by showing the stack of commentaries he had read in preparation, dating from 1956 through 2013, and naming the publication years on purpose. His point was that the way scholars have handled gender roles in this passage has shifted considerably over those decades, and he wanted the congregation to see both the ancient context and the present one clearly rather than pretending only one of them existed.
He explained the Roman legal concept of the paterfamilias, the oldest male in a household who held total legal authority over everyone beneath him, including the right to sell his children into slavery up to three times. That was the social and legal world Paul was writing into. Understanding that, Pastor Ray said, changes what it means for Paul to then turn around and tell those powerful older men to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, and sound in faith and love. That was not the law requiring them to be those things. Paul was calling them to something the law did not demand.
Moving to older women, Pastor Ray noted two specific pitfalls Paul names: slander and too much wine. He said both are infectious, that people tend to draw others into whatever pattern they themselves are living. The antidote Paul gives is not just to stop those things but to replace them with something: teaching what is good and training the younger women around them.
The list for younger women, including loving their husbands and children, self-control, purity, working at home, and kindness, ends with a reason Paul makes explicit. He says all of it is so that the word of God may not be reviled. Pastor Ray acknowledged plainly that the thing people most often revile the word of God for today is exactly this kind of passage, calling it paternalistic and male-centered. He said reasonable people across denominations are working through where they land on it, but that his own conviction is that living the way God designed tends to go better, and that genuine love in a household is not something outside critics can take away from the people inside it.
The section on younger men is the shortest on the list: one instruction, be self-controlled. Pastor Ray stopped and asked the congregation to think about what young men actually struggle with, and said every answer they could name would fall under that one heading. He connected it to the longer list for older men by asking how anyone gets to that dignified, sound, self-controlled older age without having worked on self-control in the younger years.
Paul then turns and speaks directly to Titus, telling him to show himself as a model of good works, and to teach with integrity, a word Pastor Ray defined as no corruption allowed to sneak in. He said that is what he is aiming for in his own study: not swinging toward what his society expects him to say, but staying true to what the text actually says in its actual context.
He closed with the "why" behind the whole household code. Paul's answer is the grace of God that has appeared in Jesus, bringing salvation for all people and training those who receive it to renounce ungodliness and live in self-control. Pastor Ray pressed that second part, saying most people in the room are not still waiting to be saved but are very much still in need of that sanctifying work. He asked everyone to consider honestly whether something in their life is out of balance, and to bring it prayerfully to God and to other people this week, because the grace of God has appeared to deal with exactly that.
Doing a Bible study?
Here is a guide we have prepared for you: the passages in order, questions for the group, and room to write.
- Pastor Ray described the older men and women in Titus 2 as people who had real power under Roman law but were being called to use it with gentleness, love, and self-control rather than as tyrants. Where in your own life do you hold some kind of authority or influence, and how does this passage challenge the way you use it?
- Pastor Ray pointed out that Paul tells older women to teach what is good and train younger women, and he connected that to his own grandmother teaching him to love God more. Who has been that kind of older, faithful example in your life, and what specifically did they pass on to you?
and 3 more questions in the guide
